Due apologies to Liz for the Monty Python references. Unavoidable.
I could have used a little more running around and fighting. Also, more speechifying and preparing for battle would be good. Oh, and cowbell.
Aragorn: "Dude, where's my sword?"
Elrond (whipping it out): "Schwing! Party on, Aragorn."
Aragron: "Party on, Elrond."
I could have fixed this sword for you a few weeks ago when you were in Rivendell, cuz, you know, "gift of foresight" and everything. I probably should have known you'd be needing it.
"The Matrix" and "Lord of the Rings?" Oh, yeah, old Hugo's gonna be rollin' in the Douglas Mawson/Sir John Tebutts.
Orcs have overrun Osgiliath! Run away!
Orcs are at the gates of Minas Tirith! Run away!
Aragorn: "Dead Guy, join our battle, for I am your king!"
Dead Guy: "Who says you're the king?"
Aragorn: "Behold! Elrond gave me this, the shards of Narsil, whole again!"
Dead Guy: "Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farsical Elvish ceremony!"
Oh, Mister Frodo, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
Faramir: "Uh, are you going to the crowning?"
Eowyn: "Yeah."
Faramir: "Cuz, I was thinking, if you weren't going with anyone, uh, we could, uh, like go, uh, together."
Eowyn: "Whatever. Do you think Aragorn thinks I'm cute?"
Frodo, you bitch, you've never given up on anything in your life! Now FIGHT!
Denethor: "We will cremate my son like the pagan kings of old."
Faramir: "I'm not dead yet."
Denethor: "Yes you are. No long sleep for you, nor for me my son."
Faramir: "I'm feeling better."
Denethor: "Shut up, you'll be stone dead in a moment. So, here on this pyre, let the line of Denethor end."
Faramir: "I want to live! I feel happy!"
I know you're in the midst of battle and everything but, uh, how exactly did a half a dozen Oliphants sneak up on you?
"Red Five, er, Legolas! Use your harpoons and tow cables! Go for the legs!"
And it is written that the true King of Gondor will answer the ancient mystery: who would win a fight between an army of orcs and the Pirates of the Caribbean?
Dead Guy: "Free us from our oath."
Aragorn: "Oh, sorry Mr. Thousands of Years of Sleepless Torment for Betraying the Kingdom of Men, am I keeping you from something important? How about you hang out until, oh, say, AFTER the ring of power is destroyed? It's not like we need every sword we can get at Gates of Mordor or anything."
I know they had to compress some of the stuff in the book, but did they really have to cut the WHOLE tale of Sir Robin?
Frodo: "Hey, Sam, there's a spider in the bathroom. Kill it for me will you?"
Sam: "Hardy fuckin' har. Four years back in the Shire and that never gets old. Sure, and maybe afterward you can play a little something on the piano."
Frodo: "Watch it, Sparky..."
Am I the only one who kinda felt good for Gollum when he got his Precious back?
Gimli: "Ghosts. Very dangerous. You go first."
Gimli: "Let's have Saruman's head."
Gandalf: "No Gimli, this movie's already longer than Shadowfax's dick. If we cover every subplot, we'll never get out of here."
Okay, hobbits, new rule: if GANDALF is afraid to touch something, maybe you shouldn't be too eager to go a fondlin' it yourself.
All right, after reading the books twice and seeing the movies, I've come to the conclusion that the armies of Mordor and Isengard have significant organizational problems. Improving discipline and establishing a clear chain of command would be good for starters. And don't get me started on standards of personal hygiene. However, with proper management training, the Army of Mordor should be a #1 Orc Army by the end of the fiscal year! Teamwork!
Stuff I liked about the new Battlestar Galactica (or "I Married a Cylon"):
1) Starbuck is a chick?
2) Ah, THAT'S why the old Galactica had cheesy computers and analog readouts, cuz, see, the Cylons can control computers. Oooh, and they can control people's MINDS, too, which is why everyone had big hair, to keep out the mind-control rays.
3) Boomer is a chick?
4) At least Baltar is now the teensiest bit conflicted about, oh, betraying the entire human race.
5) Starbuck is a chick?
6) "The old model Viper was, of course, completely ripped off from 'Star Wars,' which was the only surviving piece of culture from the lost colony of Earth at the time of their design. In the last 20 years, however, we have discovered 'Deep Space Nine,' 'Babylon 5,' AND 'Farscape,' which is why the NEW Vipers look like Cardassian/Peacekeeper vessels and the Cylon fighters look like Centauri vessels."
7) Boomer is Korean?
8) Here's a thought going forward: don't use Windows XP to coordinate your fighter squadrons if network security is an important factor in not getting your ass handed to you.
9) The Cylons are a chick? The Cylons are a HOT chick!
10) Not since episode 54 of the original Star Trek ("The Omega Glory"...Yangs, Coms, the American Flag) has modern-day politics been so artfully (SUBTLETY: The Musical!) woven into tv sci-fi. "I don't want people accusing their neighbors of being Cylon because they don't brush their teeth in the morning." OH! SNAP! Take THAT Colonel Ashcroft!
11) What happened to all the brothers? Col. Tigh is an old white guy. Boomer is Korean...and a chick. 'Sup with that?
12) The president is dying of cancer. Finally, just plain cancer. Not "Margrab's Syndrome" or "Anti-Neutrino Poisoning" or some other exotic future-sounding thing. Just regular old cancer. Of course, in the Star Trekverse people get cancer several times a year (all that transporting), but, you know, they just take a Vick's lozenge and some herbal tea and it usually clears up after about three days.
13) Starbuck is chick?
14) As long as they don't remake Galactica: 1980 in 2 years, I'll be happy. Galactica: 1980: 2005?
So, we saw Tamala 2010: A Punk Cat In Space last night. Capsule review: "2001" meets "Hello Kitty" meets The Crying of Lot 49, but not in a good way.
Got me thinking, though, that I'm glad Aeon Flux never really made it to full length. Tamala's got enough cute/funny/weird stuff in it that, taken 5 minutes at a time, it might actually be good. But two hours? Hard to sit through. By the end you are well and thoroughly convinced that all your base are, indeed, belong to her.
Soundtrack kicks ass, though. Especially the picnic song at the end which implores you, in phonetic English, to bring "lots of beer, chicken and snacks."
Best line of the night came when I was driving Valerie home:
Valerie: What the hell was that all about?
Me: Well, it was an allegory about the innocence of a young generation living under the legacy of Hiroshima in a modern information society.
Valerie: Well, YEAH, there's THAT, but what ELSE?
Went to the Matt Gonzalez benefit at GAMH last night. Rubber chicken (steak, actually) and a halfway decent show (want more Cake, want more Noe Venable, want more Jonathan Richman). The Po' Poets were there, too. Very KPFA. Reminded me of why I don't listen to KPFA much.
But the evening did convert me from a sort of resigned "guess I'll vote for the not-evil guy" supporter of Matt to an enthusiastic supporter of Matt.
Will he run this city into the ground? Eh, maybe. BUT, he did say that Newsom's campaign was "full of shit" and that they were "fucking liars."
Balls, baby. Need liberals with balls. At least here if nowhere else. I'm tired of Marin and Berkeley "nice guy" liberals quietly losing to every loudmouth with enough money to afford a steamroller.
The meek will inherit the earth, but only when we're done with it, baby. Only when we're done with it.