You birds, always cracking foxy...

More Kamgod fun

We're getting data from someone who actually has had personal contact with the object of our obsession. And, as usual with a human-made deity, we seem to have been way off base. It's too funny. And sad. And deeply appropriate.

Alfred, Let's Go Shopping

Fell asleep at 5:00 AM Saturday. Woke up at 8:30 PM, dehydrated and hungry. Went shopping at Safeway. Bought cooked ribs, roast chicken, bar-b-que'd buffalo wings, limeade, orange juice, iced tea, a watermelon, ice cream, a box of ding dongs and a half-gallon of milk. Okay, my brain is officially reset now. Who are all you people? Can I have that ding dong?

but of course

The kamgod experiment thread is in dire jeopardy of deteriorating into a flame war. A side effect may well be the end of the experiment, caused by someone getting too pissed off and revealing us before we've either succeeded (always a slim chance anyhow) or found an appropriate way to reveal ourselves.

What is wrong with everyone??? Rule 1 of online communication. Don't ever argue back with a troll. No matter how mad they just made you. You will just look like as big an idiot as they already are.

Why do people troll like that? Just a need for attention? I mean, there are like 7 billion discussions on the internet (christianity, say, or crocheting, or skydiving, or rock collecting) that I'm not interested in. I don't go into all of them and say "Ha ha! you are all losers for liking stuff you like! Allow me to tell you in tedious detail why I am superior to you for not seeing the point of this thing you enjoy!"

As Liz proceeds to cuss out her ftp client

Listen, ncftp. If I have to answer a client call and let you hang, it's not fucking personal. God. This is the error message you get if you ignore ncftp and then hit "return" to see if you're connected or not:

Timeout - try typing a little faster next time

Jeez.

You are please to excuse Jason

He is having a more difficult week than he deserves.

404

Okay, if you're having a narcissistic meltdown, temper tantrum, delusions of grandeur, marital problems, a psychotic break or are just plain lonely and want someone to talk to, please, take it somewhere else for a change.

I need to be in my Happy Place for a while now.

I'm sorry if the laws of physics, biology and/or economics are not compatible with your chosen lifestyle, but that's not my problem. We're all playing by the same rules. We're all white (in class if not skin tone), educated, middle class, capable, liberated, English-speaking, 21st century adults living in North America. There are no excuses in the cosmic budget for our kind. Deal.

And why does everyone's version of "saving the world" boil down to "changing the rules so I don't have to work?" The world does not need saving. A good chunk of the PEOPLE could use food, shelter, education, social stability and prosperity, but know what? We're working on it. You're not, Bodhi. You're running around Santa Monica in a Ronald Reagan mask justifying bank robbery to yourself. Or you would be if you could get that organized.

So, bored now. Everyone's self-involved little personal crises are boring, including my own. Take it or get therapy. Shit rolls down hill so I'm moving out of the valley.

As far as I'm concerned there are two people in the world now: me and Liz. Okay, three. DorkChop earned himself a seat.

The rest of you start paddling or get the hell out of my boat.

Spokesmodel

So, the CIA wants Jennifer Garner to help recruit for them.

I can see the video now:
"Are you an acrobatic supermodel? Are you fluent in more than fourteen languages? Are you astoundingly gullible? Would you be interested in a job that involved torture, murder, treason and extensive airline travel? Then you might be right for us, the CIA. And as long as you never bother to actually read your paycheck, for all you know, we really are the CIA."

Heh

From a person who is also very, very tired, but still manages to be funny:

What the heck's going on lately? I turned on the news and saw all these idiots:

AtheistIdiot: Thank God, er I mean nobody, that the Ten Commandments have finally been removed from public view. I felt that it was violating my civil liberties.

ChristianIdiot: We're back, and we're more obnoxious than a gay pride parade. Nothing will stop us from standing up to protect Jesus's commandments.

AshcroftIdiot: The American people can feel safer from terrorists now knowing that we have cut off their supply of adult films and manga.

LiberalIdiot: Stop the War, we need the cash!

That last one is an actual quote, by the way, and the other ones might as well be.

...

(cracked me up, anyhow)

MMMM, Chocolate

This is how cool my friend DorkChop is. He heard I was having a crappy day/week/life/whatever, and he managed to not only send me surprise chocolates, but to have them same-day couriered from the Fancy Chocolate Place on market street. And he got the couriers to accept an out-of-state check by mail, even. *That* is one cool dude, I'm telling you. Like, permafrost cool.

Kids In The Hall

Apropos of nothing in particular:

Jesus Frelling Christ in a chicken basket. Is the world just one big hall of mirrors to you people, or what? I thought I was a narcissist, but apparently I've got a lot to learn.

Anyway, shout out to DorkChop for coming through.

I am 16

That little company of mine is finally collapsing. Result: I am 16 again. And it's not pretty. I hate everyone, I don't sleep anymore (because of work this time 'round, not brain chemistry), and all I want to do is go somewhere anonymous and post corny rock-ballad lyrics.

I gotta sleep soon. This is bad.

The Mighty Wind's A Blowin'

Look, just shut up and do "Werewolves of London".

Apology

Too many grouchy entries from me lately. Here, have an apology. A nice kitty in a basket:

Doesn't that make you feel a whole lot better?

Empathize with this, buddy.

Raise your hand if you're really, really, really tired of books on how men are biologically better at math and systems, and women are hard-wired to be all about the empathy.

Baron-Cohen's research shows that the citizens of the world can be divided into two groups: those who possess a female or "type E" (for empathizing) brain and those who possess a male or "type S" (for systemizing) brain.

Know what? My brain is type "F". For Fuck Off. Better yet, "F" for Find me a culture in which little girls are not stomped down for aggressive play and interest in things mathematical and systematic, and little boys are not stomped down for showing empathy, and then tell me about their brains.

Idle Pleasures

I had a good relax on Friday night.
Yesterday I slept until I was done.
Then I woke up and got lunch for Liz and me.
While Liz worked I watched my new Babylon 5 DVDs and played Ultima Online.
I woke up early this morning and logged back into Ultima and some dickweed PK'ed me and it just made me smile.
Liz is sleeping now.
I made her laugh the other day, which is among my favorites purposes in this life.
Zander and Minmai are coming over for a pre-Burning Man soak tonight. Maybe we'll have Chinese food and watch Animatrix.
I could get used to this.

Burning Bush

Looks like the first order derivative is coming through again. Polls go up and down, and a year in politics is an eternity, but more of us want Dubya out than want him in.

Previously, On "Lord of the Rings"

So New Line has announced that they're going re-release the first two "Lord of the Rings" flicks in Super-Extendy 3 1/2 Hour-Vision.

So, that's 7 hours of "previouslys" before you even get to "Return of the King".

For the love of Frances Ford Bombadil. Who would have thought that "And in the darkness, bind them" meant we'd all be sitting on our asses in a multiplex for the better part of week?

If you need a refresher but don't have enough vacation days to get caught up, here you go:
Ring->Shire->Baggins->Gandalf The Gray->Frodo->Bree->Nazgul->Strider->Elrond The Useless->Isengard->Eagle->Moria->Balrog->Boromir->Uruk Hai->Rohan->Gollum->Gandalf The White->Theodin->Helm's Deep->Rohan Again->Entmoot->Isengard Again->Giant Spider->Samwise The Strong->Frodo The Junkie->Minas Tirith->Mordor->Mount Doom->Gollum Again->Finger->Eagle->Aragorn->Home

Ed's Dead, Baby, Ed's Dead

Gotta believe the afterlife is casting for one hell of a show. Thanks Ed for demonstrating that even us doughy guys can Get It On.

That's it. I'm putting the laptop in the hot tub.

I just saw the word "Molester" in a news headline and thought "Mole-ster? Some kind of online social network for Moles? How odd."

At least I'll be overworked again next week. Something needs to save me from this new social network obsession soon. At least my tribe.net message spider helps with the too-much-clicking problem.

...and then, and then, and then...

Day before yesterday I had back-to-back meetings all day, and Jason had food poisoning. I'm still not sure which of us looked more haggard that night.

Afterwards, I stayed up doing random book-finishing things for Rob, who was having a spot of panic. Then it was somehow morning, so I stayed up working with James on a bid for a CA governmental candidate's website. Poor James, he never has anyone to play with in the mornings. He was as excited as a puppy with a new wallet to chew on.

Anyhow, aforementioned candidate accepted aforementioned bid late today. We get to be part of the election circus — whee!

So since most of the past night and day were spent on phone calls and emails, with lots of oh-shit-hang-on-wait-okay-NOW in between, I managed to be in work mode for about 20 of the past 28 hours, and yet stay almost continually logged in to tribe.net. It was kinda fun, but now I feel like I've been staring at one of those department store TV-display walls all day. Too many channels.

Oh! And last night Rob & had to stop work and see Gigantic, on account of the whole run having almost gone by already. It rocked like socks. Well, it rocked like socks would rock if they were a documentary about two surprisingly modest musical geniuses named John from Brooklyn, with fantastic concert footage and interviews with pretty much every funny/smart/adorable person you've ever heard on NPR. Who all happen to love socks. I mean the Johns. I mean They Might Be Giants.

Paging Donnie Darko

Some nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

One Small Step For Man

There are many Famous Firsts in the world of science. Now there's one more.

Crazed Eye For The Sane Guy

I'm no trendspotter. Safe to say, even my hindsight isn't 20/20 when it comes stuff and the people who like it.

So, imagine my pride to discover that my 15-year long fear of Gary Busey has finally caught on.

Jelly's Last Jam

Okay, Gregory Hines and Barry White in the same year? Surely there has been some sort of clerical error.

Anyway, thanks for "Cotton Club", "History of the World: Part I", "Running Scared", "Tap" and, of course, "Eve of Destruction" and "Wolfen".

Should have been more tap-dancing in "Wolfen".

The Hands Of Fate

Cast your mind back to 1997. William Jefferson Clinton was of to a great start on the second of what looked to be two stunningly successful and completely, uh, stain-free terms as President. A little thing called "the Internet" was just about to make us all richer than a bowl of Cream of Crisco soup and two upstart young screenwriters, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, stunned audiences and industry insiders alike by writing (as their first movie mind you) a film that even the combined powers Gus Van Sant and Robin Williams couldn't fuck up, a few hundred thousand feet of celloid by the name of Good Will Hunting.

We couldn't get enough of Matt and Ben. Why, they were the new Julius and Philip Epstein.

What great works could we expect from these two wunderkind? Could they single (or quadruple, I guess) handedly revive America's floundering independent film scene?

No, my friends, for the fickle fingers of fate turn like the great wheel of a badly mixed metaphor and bring low those who were once so very, very high, and probably still are.

At this point you may well be asking yourself: What the hell is he talking about and why am I still reading? As for the latter, my friends, I do not know. But for the former BEHOLD! In this great year of 2003 we have managed to produce not one but two, count 'em, two movies of lower entertainment value than what was previously considered the minimal producable film.

Thank you, Ben, for making this possible. I'm so sick of hearing how all the cool stuff happened in the 60's.

Next up: chilling a gas to -1 Kelvin.

We Don't Need Another Hero

"Never give a baby-twisting motherfucker an even break."
"Damn straight."

So kill me, I'm a fanboy.

Violently Happy

Bjork!!! At pier 30 at the edge of the water last night. Many many many people there, all with the fancy clothes and the crayola-colored hair and whatnot. We got bleacher seats near the edge of the crowd, which meant a view of the boats on the bay, the city skyline, and the tripping interpretive-dancers at the edge of the standing zone. Also, fireworks.

We kind of got to see Bjork, mostly as a kind of distant jumping sprite in white footie pajamas. I did get close to the stage at one point, but that just activated my usual live-music field — I somehow magnetically attract really tall guys who'd rather talk about the music to their girlfriends than listen to it. And they go stand exactly in front of me. Way more often than should be statistically probable.

For an outdoor show in the wind, the sound was damn good. Emergency was especially Bjorkalicious, I thought.

Today's tribe is, obviously: Bjork.

Jumpin' Jack Flash

It's a gas.

Meat Or Cake?

"Clutching a bible as she testified, a woman told prosecutors she was following her husband's orders when she breast-fed their baby daughter while driving on the Ohio Turnpike. "

Is this:

A) A genuine news story or
B) An entry in the Bulwer-Lytton contest?

Do you think those are letters you're reading?

I mean, just how geeky can you get?

Burritor

No, my friends, this is a Burritor (Neill's Domain, Reel 3 if the link doesn't take you straight there).

Sandy Eggo Insane Nada and Lost Wages

Stuff this week:

SIGGRAPH in San Diego. Lots of stuff about fluid dynamics and artificial life. Soon we will be obsolete; then we can all relax and let the machines rule us.

Is it worth the 70km drive to Ensenada for the camarones y burritors? Maybe not, but when you throw in the shopping then yeah, it's worth it.

Lots of Poker Pai Gow in Las Vegas. Good way to lose slow. Played for 5+ hours over 3 days and broke even.

Penn and Teller and Suze and Carey, as Liz mentioned. Got to say "never give a baby-twisting motherfucker an even break" to Penn. Everything else from here is gravy, but that's okay cuz I really like gravy.

Penn & Teller

Saw their show again last night. Le sigh. I'm such a fan it gives me stomachaches. We even did the dorky fan-picture thing with Penn (tried to catch Teller, but we were too slow).

Today's tribe, in honor of P & T: Atheists.

Viva, Lost Wages

From San Diego to Ensenada to Las Vegas. In one day. Whee! Thud.

More tribe stuff

Here, you can view (and join) one of my tribes: scifi.tribe.net. It's addictive, I'm tellin' ya. Still kind of betalicious, though. There will be bugs on this ride. And man do they need a better UI for keeping up with tribe messages.

Still, I think all these social-network sites are doomed once they get big enough. You either have to plan a series of network sites that will emerge, bloom, and die — all in sequence, or figure out how to divide tribal networks into some kind of city-equivalents (not mapped to actual geography, of course).