If your parents tell you about a film, it's mainstream.
If you tell them about a film, it's indy.
If, while watching the movie, you drink a soda and eat popcorn that come in "collectible" theme containers advertising the film, it's mainstream.
If, while watching the film, you drink cappuccino from a chipped mug and eat popcorn from a wooden bowl, it's indy.
If you're sitting in a comfortable, "business class"-style seat, chances are the film you're watching is mainstream.
If you're sitting on a pile of jagged wood, torn cloth and rusty springs that may have once been a theater chair (perhaps during the Beat era), you're watchin' an indy.
If the film stars anybody you recognize, it's mainstream.
If not, it's indy.
If one of the stars later becomes recognizible, the film retroactively becomes mainstream (the Chloe Sevigny Corollary.)
All foreign films are indy, except British heist movies and Hong Kong action flicks. Canada does not count as a foreign country.
All indy film are brilliant unless they become popular at which point they're gimmicky, manipulative and cheap (the Blair Witch Effect.)
A film shot in Mexico by an North American director is indy (Men With Guns.)
A film shot in North America by a Mexican director is not (Spy Kids.)
If John Sayles directs a movie about a ragtag team of misfits and outcasts saving the earth from an asteroid impact, it's a brilliant indy commentary on genre.
If George Clooney directs a film about a lesbian cellist reconciling with her dying mother in Cold War Czechoslovakia, it's mainstream, tearjerker crap.
If a film accurately depicts the life of a heroin addict, it's indy.
If the actor who plays the addict goes on to play Obi-Wan Kenobi, it's mainstream.
If the film uses CGI, it's mainstream, UNLESS the protagonist is haunted by a sinister-looking giant bunny.
The Spader Principle: if James Spader is depicted having some form of weird sex, the film is indy; if not, it's mainstream.
Who plays Elvis? If it's Bruce Campbell, indy. If it's Kevin Costner, mainstream.
If Phillip Seymour Hoffman, John Turturro, Steve Buscemi or Harvey Keitel play supporting roles, maintream. If any of them plays the leading role, indy.
If you think a film SHOULD be nominated for an Oscar, it's indy. If it actually is, mainstream.
Kate Winslet topless: mainstream. Kate Winslet full-frontal: indy.
Hobbits? Mainstream. Life-size, animate plasticine Orson Welles? Indy.
Oral sex discussed? Mainstream. Oral sex depicted? Indy. Oral sex depicted beyond any reasonable narrative necessity? Porn.
Posted by Jason at January 17, 2004 12:38 PM