Stuff I Liked About Matrix Revolutions
1) “Everything that has a beginning has an ending.” Christ, I hope so.
2) Greetings Neo, I am Apu, the Storekeeper. I was in the last movie, but I’m not really in this movie. Thank you, come again!
3) No prophesizin’. If you want more prophesizin’, you’ll have to wait until Matrix 4: How Morpheus Got His Groove Back
4) And the Academy Award for longest sustained AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGG!!!! goes to…Nathaniel Lees, Captain Mifune! Thank you, I’d like to thank the Academy and just say AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!
5) Greetings Neo, I am the Trainspotter. As you have correctly surmised, it’s all about choice and reason. Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career….and the reasons? Who needs reasons when you’ve got ‘eroin?
6) As Eli Wallach once said, Bane, when you have to shoot, shoot. Don’t talk.
7) Bane: MIS-ter AN-derson, still dumb as a bag of hammers, I see.
8) Lock: Morpheus, your design for the mechanized battle armor is impressive, but I think we ought to put some armor over the front so the operator won’t be so exposed.
Morpheus: I do not BELIEVE that we will need armor. I BELIEVE that we will be protected by the power of the One. I BELIEVE that…
Councillor Grace: Let’s move on to more pressing matters. Have we decided what kind of pizza we’re going to serve at tonight’s pointlessly overextended orgy?
Lock (shoots Morpheus a nasty look): If it were up to me, we’d serve feta and goat cheese Hawaiian with anchovies
Morpheus: Then I am thankful…that it is not up to you
9) “The Exotic-Erotic After Party” at Merovingian’s…anyone wearing a gas mask or a gratuitous medical prosthesis gets in free!
10) Trinity: Give us Neo or die. What’s it gonna be “Merv”?
Merv: But of course. I do not even know why I am in zis movie.
11) Next time, Neo, you could maybe, you know, IM the Machine City with your offer BEFORE just flying right into their main defense screen.
12) The key to the Matrix series is the subtle Christ imagery, and nothing pounds “subtle” into your skull like a big ol’ flaming cross emblazoned on Neo’s chest.
13) After watching the Zion defense force stave off wave after wave of drillers, squiddies and I’m pretty sure a couple of hundred orcs and TIE fighters, only one question remains: “Hey, isn’t Keanu Reeves in this movie?”
14) Smith: Hi, Mom
Oracle: Hi, boys, come on in and make yourselves at home. Have some cookies or, if you want, there’s some scenery in the next room you can chew on for a while.
15) Nobody says “apropos,” “concordantly,” “ergo” or “systemic anomaly.” Architect Drinking Game score: 0. I drove home sober.
16) The Academy Award for most excessive goddamn use of the word “goddamn” goes to Peter Lamb. He’s out of his goddamn mind, goddmamnit!
17) “Wait, I’ve SEEN this, I was eating peyote and running lines with my wife. What happens next is…I SAY something here and then…no…I assimilate you and then explode for no reason because the movie is almost over…no…even now, it’s too stupid to stay in my head.”
18) Hi everyone, and welcome to the seventh incarnation of the matrix. I’m sure you all have a lot of questions, mostly concerning what the hell just happened. But first, we have a new policy to announce. Anybody who wants to stay here, eat anything they want without gaining weight and remain young, beautiful and athletic for the rest of their lives is welcome to stay. On the other hand, anyone who’d rather live in a cave near the center of the earth, wear ragged cable-knit sweaters, eat nothing but high-protein snot and listen to endless philosophizin’ for the rest of their lives is free to go. Any takers?
19) Let us all give thanks to Neo; he died for our Sims.
Posted by Jason at November 10, 2003 12:44 PM